I'm Dating Now Daddy!!

Who dates anymore?  Dating has become a lost art, replaced with social media and the internet.  The term “dating” has been sorely taken out of content and is now used as a word for someone you like and talk to, text, or chat with on a regular basis.  That sounds to me like a good friend, not someone I’m dating.  Let me break it down for you.  Good old Wikipedia states :

Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. While the term has several senses, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

There is a saying I like to tell my daughter: “You can’t date him unless he has his own insurance”, meaning, he should have a job and his own vehicle.  That way he can actually TAKE YOU OUT on a date.
I would say a great percentage of the kids today and most adults between the ages of 18-25 have no clue what it is to actually date someone.  Just on a quick survey, 90% of them who claim to have a boyfriend or girlfriend have NEVER taken them on a date, unless you consider the quick semi-intimate moments in whatever room was available.  But a true date, no.

So let me help you chat/text dependent youngsters out. 

Dinner and Movie:  This is when you make arrangements with your “friend” to go out at a particular time.  Either you pick them up or you meet at a location - NOT McDonalds or Taco Bell, but something nice.  You chat over dinner, not the computer, and get to know each other.  Then you go to the pre-determined movie.

See, you got out of the house, had a social outing with another person.  Enjoyed good food, good conversation, and a movie.  Now that’s a date. 

Text me, or hit me up on Facebook, and I’ll give you pointers on the second date.

What does dating mean to you?

Cause the Sky is Blue

As a toddler my little girl would always ask questions.  The questions never ended when the question was answered, but followed with why? Over and over again.  One day she was asking a series of questions about wanting to get something at the store that I really couldn’t afford to get at the moment.  And the “why” series continued.  Frustrated I looked up and answered her why daddy with, “Cause the sky is blue”.  She stopped looked up and it was almost as if she understood.  There is no real reason why, it just is.  So now when I get that whining why not daddy question my response is simply, “cause the sky is blue”. 

I remember as a kid thinking that my father was Superman.  There was nothing that he couldn’t do or nothing that he didn’t already know.  I relied on this in many instances and I still rely on it for parental advice every now and then.  This “value” is good and makes me think about children these days.  

I was told once that I have an opinion about everything (This wasn’t meant to be a compliment).  It got me to thinking.  I do have an opinion about everything because that’s what gets me by with raising my children.  If I didn’t have an opinion where would my kids go to get advice?  TV, the internet or maybe little Joey down the street who tortures the neighborhood animals.  My point is growing up these are the type of learning moments and trust moments I had with my father because in my opinion, He knew it all!!!!  I know that not to be exactly true now, but in every situation he let me believe that he had all the answers to my problems and was there to listen no matter the situation.  What type of role as parents should we take with our kids?  Should we independently let them make their own decisions or should we influence (guide) them in their everyday situations until they are old/responsible enough to make them on their own. 

Your child is your legacy.  Everything you leave behind in this world diminishes except your children.  They carry on your beliefs, values, and sometimes opinions.  At birth you are given the gift of being able to mold that untouched unscarred baby into whatever you want. 

In my opinion it is the responsibility of the parents to make decisions for the kids.  They should rely on your experience and somewhat expertise in certain situations.  Could you imagine the decisions kids would make without our guidance.  Something as little as what to make for dinner or how to spend money would go by the waste-side. 

Happy Fathers Day

So today we celebrate Fatherhood. On this day I celebrate the one man who has been the greatest influence in my life, My Father. Joseph Cooper has it all. He is charismatic, spiritual, strong, goal oriented, and has a mean back swing when I did something wrong.

We grew up in a very Church oriented family. Our family attended Church at the very least 3 times a week. My father, being a Minister was there more frequently. The dynamics of our family centered on church services and meetings. I wouldn’t say it was difficult growing up but it was different. There were a lot of rules, but we as kids really had it all. I knew my father worked hard, but it wasn’t until I became a father myself that I could look back and appreciate the things that he did. As kids we never wanted for anything. Birthdays, Holidays were all special because of the sacrifices my father would make. He would work long hours on his job and then go to service to serve the church we attended. It was hard being close to him because I knew the levels of commitments he had outside the family were tremendous. To me my father was like superman, he could REALLY do anything.

Through the past 10 years, I've grown to know my father in a much different light. He has become more of a friend in regards to how we communicate. Its always been know that I could talk to him about anything, but recently it has become much easier to do so. We talk about everything, from relationships, kids, and even recreational stuff like my vehicles and fishing. He has taught me that fatherhood is not this stern serious person who is a dictator over his kids, but rather someone who their sons can look up to and say, "When I grow up, I want to be just like my Father" Something I can truly say.

Dad, I love you, and thank you for all the lessons, hard work, love and attentiveness you've shown me over the past 35 years. In more ways than one I wouldn’t be here today without you!

Male Chauvinistic Daddy!!!!

So, growing up, I come from a family where my father was the main “bread winner”.  Dad worked and for the most part mom stayed home and took care of me and my 3 siblings.  If mom did work, it wasn’t necessarily for the family but for other indulgences as she saw fit.  Mom took care of the house, dinner, and all of the needs of the house.  Not that my dad didn’t share in these chores.  He was a regular in every one of those departments.  The discipline was mostly handled through my father and there was a certain reverence given to him because of that.   We knew who was in charge of our family.  We knew who made the decisions and who the head of the household was. If ever there was a question as to what mom said do, the response was usually, “cause daddy said so” and that was the end of the conversation. 

My father opened the door for my mother.  He sent her flowers and held her umbrella while he got wet.  He was the type to order for her at a restaurant and push in her chair. There was a certain respect the two had for each other and a willingness for my mom (on occasions) to surrender the last say so to my dad.  

Now don’t get me wrong, by no means am I an advocate to go back to the middle ages with the rights and treatment of women.  However when it comes to chivalry, I would say I support the notion.  My mom is one of the strongest willed women I know.  She is extremely independent and
did whatever she wanted.  But, there was something in the relationship where you could see my mother display a willingness to show that dad was in charge and she loved the role he took. 

I’m a self declared hopeless romantic.  Not chauvinistic or caveman like, but one who still holds values like my father with a willingness and strength to want to provide care for and protect my family.  I come from a line of men who still treat a woman the way it’s supposed to be done.  Yes guys, I’m the jerk who buys flowers, and remembers and celebrates every birthday and anniversary like it’s the last.  To me, it’s become a lost art amongst men.  For the past couple years it’s more common for the man to take the backseat to everything instead of “being a man” and stepping up to the plate.  A lot of it is the evolution of our relationships and more strong minded women.  Many women these days are career driven and view relying on a man in any situation as a weakness.  So I ask, is it wrong for a man to enter a relationship with this mindset?  Is it considered too old fashion or chauvinistic for a man to consider himself the provider, the protector, and the head of his household?  Do women feel threatened by this thought or do they welcome the strength that this type of man possesses?  Is it a lost art or a casualty of the evolution of women’s rights and political correctness? 

Who's THE Daddy!?!?!?

Ever look at your kids, or at kids interacting with their parents out in public and wonder, “Which one of them is in charge”. I’m not sure if it’s the generation that we live in or if it’s just a product of a lazier society that has perpetuated this lack of respect, be it one or both ways.

Its not just with their parents, but for some, it's a considerable lack of respect for adults period.

One day I was taking my boys fishing. Anyone who has fished knows it’s a quiet and fun time you can really enjoy with your kids. There are also certain unwritten rules on the shore when fishing. One of these is that you don’t cast your line into another person’s spot! Well, while we were fishing in a small section of the lake, this kid about the same age as my boys (10-12) walked in the middle of us and threw his line in between where we were fishing. So, of course I asked him politely, “son, do you know you just crossed my line where I’m fishing?” His replied indignantly with, “So, it’s a public pond and I can fish where I want! Why don’t you move your line?” Well, in my head the Angels started singing and we were about to have church with a “Coming to Jesus moment” (He was about to meet his maker). It got me to thinking, if this kid talks to a complete stranger with no respect, how does he talk with his own parents?

What would have happened in your house if you had stomped or raised your voice at your parents? What would have happened if you were asked to do something by your father and your response was to either ignore them or blatantly say NO!!?

Some people may think this next statement is brutal or some may actually relate (the fact that I have to quantify that statement tells me we live in a different world). I remember growing up being scared to death to speak in a disrespectful way to my parents. I knew if I did, a visit to the dentist was inevitable! This wasn’t a fear like you fear the junk yard dog, but it was a more reverent fear. I had a different respect for my parents than what is displayed these days.

I’m not a big TV person, but when I’ve watched TV, I’ve noticed most of the television shows are like what I see in public. Most of the shows have the kids yelling at their parents, stomping and throwing fits. In some cases, they were being completely defiant with the excuse of “just being a kid”. Is this actually the way that we want to raise our kids? Is this the example we want to give? Now don’t get me wrong, while I don’t advocate this, I’m also of the mindset that parents raise their kids and not the TV. Allowing kids to watch what they want is not a direct permission to act out what they see. It takes a strong dedicated parent to use what children see as a learning tool.

Maybe it’s the methods of discipline. My parents, as were most when I was a child, were of the definite mindset, “Spare the Rod Spoil the Child”. Most parents now are into having conversations or timeout. Is one better than the other? Are they related to the level of respect we have for our parents as oppose to the respect children now days have with theirs?

So why is it like that these days? What has changed in the rules of parenting that has diminished Who the Daddy is?

Who's Your Daddy????

Let me start this first blog by stating, never do I claim anything I say to be “The Gospel According To John”. This is strictly my opinion and meant to be taken as that in order to provoke an adult discussion. If your conversational skills aren’t of the maturity of an adult, then refrain from commenting or just comment to my personal email. Those using profanity or derogatory adjectives will be removed. 

So every person walking this Earth has one - some call him Daddy, Dad, Pops or Father. But how many of you actually call him your father? Most men are given the ability to procreate. It’s a gift that is used for both pleasure and the benefit of giving life. In the event the two cross, (pleasure and life) life is the one that is sometimes taken for granted as a gift. Herein lies the distinction between being called a father or a daddy. It’s the actions after these two cross that makes the distinction.

My definitions are as follows: daddies are the ones who have the ability to create but not the intestinal fortitude to care for a child. A father has the same ability but seems to be able to use his natural sense of responsibility to take care of the child both financially and emotionally. Statistically, daddies are on the rise, while fathers seem to decline. Now I don’t like to be on a soapbox (actually I do like the attention), but over the past few years there are many mothers who are single - not by choice but by circumstance - while the “daddy” lives his own life in the absence of being a father.

One of the most irritating terms to me is, “my baby's daddy”. To me, it indicates that the “man” (that word is debatable for a later discussion) is a donor. Someone who participated in the pregnancy, but not in the fatherhood of the child. It takes a considerable amount more to be a father then a daddy. While most of you think I’m splitting hairs, think about it! Which term do you take more seriously? Which would you like to be called?

Greetings

So thanks for stopping by and checking out my weekly rants and questions to ponder throughout your day.  First things first, for those who don’t know me, my name is John Cooper and that pretty face in front of me (in my profile picture) belongs to my fiancé Renee.

The purpose of this blog is to get you (the reader) to start thinking about the different aspects of life that some of us tend to take for granted.  There will be broad areas of discussion, to include, relationships, parenthood, education, and socio-economic standing.  We’ll try to refrain from religion as to not offend anyone!  I’ve had many life experiences that have brought me to a point in life where I’d like to share those thoughts with others and see how the opinions vary.

I strongly encourage everyone to reply either by post or by email, and for those of you cursed to know me personally, by phone.