Ever look at your kids, or at kids interacting with their parents out in public and wonder, “Which one of them is in charge”. I’m not sure if it’s the generation that we live in or if it’s just a product of a lazier society that has perpetuated this lack of respect, be it one or both ways.
Its not just with their parents, but for some, it's a considerable lack of respect for adults period.
One day I was taking my boys fishing. Anyone who has fished knows it’s a quiet and fun time you can really enjoy with your kids. There are also certain unwritten rules on the shore when fishing. One of these is that you don’t cast your line into another person’s spot! Well, while we were fishing in a small section of the lake, this kid about the same age as my boys (10-12) walked in the middle of us and threw his line in between where we were fishing. So, of course I asked him politely, “son, do you know you just crossed my line where I’m fishing?” His replied indignantly with, “So, it’s a public pond and I can fish where I want! Why don’t you move your line?” Well, in my head the Angels started singing and we were about to have church with a “Coming to Jesus moment” (He was about to meet his maker). It got me to thinking, if this kid talks to a complete stranger with no respect, how does he talk with his own parents?
What would have happened in your house if you had stomped or raised your voice at your parents? What would have happened if you were asked to do something by your father and your response was to either ignore them or blatantly say NO!!?
Some people may think this next statement is brutal or some may actually relate (the fact that I have to quantify that statement tells me we live in a different world). I remember growing up being scared to death to speak in a disrespectful way to my parents. I knew if I did, a visit to the dentist was inevitable! This wasn’t a fear like you fear the junk yard dog, but it was a more reverent fear. I had a different respect for my parents than what is displayed these days.
I’m not a big TV person, but when I’ve watched TV, I’ve noticed most of the television shows are like what I see in public. Most of the shows have the kids yelling at their parents, stomping and throwing fits. In some cases, they were being completely defiant with the excuse of “just being a kid”. Is this actually the way that we want to raise our kids? Is this the example we want to give? Now don’t get me wrong, while I don’t advocate this, I’m also of the mindset that parents raise their kids and not the TV. Allowing kids to watch what they want is not a direct permission to act out what they see. It takes a strong dedicated parent to use what children see as a learning tool.
Maybe it’s the methods of discipline. My parents, as were most when I was a child, were of the definite mindset, “Spare the Rod Spoil the Child”. Most parents now are into having conversations or timeout. Is one better than the other? Are they related to the level of respect we have for our parents as oppose to the respect children now days have with theirs?
So why is it like that these days? What has changed in the rules of parenting that has diminished Who the Daddy is?
I must not see the same thing you see. I don't mind a child telling his parent what she likes and doesn't like. I don't even mind a child telling a parent that they don't agree. Is that inherently disrespectful? I'm not sure I'm disagreeing with you, but felt the need to say that a kid can speak up and maintain respect. Of course, your examples are about rude behavior, but is instilling fear the alternative. I think the best way to teach respect is to model it... again not sure I'm saying anything inconsistent with what you wrote.
ReplyDeleteWhile quaint, I do sometimes wonder about the kids who jump to attention when their parents speak and say all the key polite phrases. Will they grow up to be the kind of people skilled at putting on a polite facade and not truly know what it is to respect another.
I think you do see the same thing I see. I'm not saying that a child should not have their own mind or opinion. However, in showing that, they should be respectful. Having that quality in a child is not disrespectful by any means. A child having their own personality is far different then a child who thinks that their personality and independence takes precedence over what their parents think and feel. Example, a child doesn’t like fruit loops. One child says “mom can we get corn flakes instead”. The other child screams “mom if you buy that I’m not going to eat it at all. You need to buy something else”. Then proceeds to throw a fit on the ground.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite sayings independence is earned. It’s not free. This goes for children too.
No one wants robots, believe me I don’t have them myself. But I’m sure parents want to be respected and for their kids to show respect to others.